Grief and Loss: Healing When Part of You Dies Too

Grief: When We Lose Others, We Lose Ourselves Too

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet one of the hardest to put into words. Many people think grief is simply about missing someone who has died or left us. But grief goes far deeper than that. It’s not only the absence of the person that hurts — it’s the loss of the self we were with them, the future we imagined, and the plans we will never get to live out.

Grief is not just about losing someone we love. It’s about losing the version of ourselves that existed in connection to them. This is why grief feels so heavy and disorienting: we are not only grieving others, but also parts of our identity, our dreams, and our sense of belonging in the world.

Grief Beyond the Person

When someone we love is gone, a part of us goes with them. It could be a parent, a partner, a friend, or even a child. But the loss extends far beyond their presence.

• We lose the conversations that will never happen.

• We lose the comfort of their laughter, their voice, their touch.

• We lose the ordinary daily moments — the meals, the walks, the rituals — that once made life feel stable.

• We lose the future we thought we would build together.

This is why grief often feels like an unraveling. It’s not just the absence of them — it’s the collapse of a whole story we were living in.

The Death of Our Own Plans

Many times, people say “they’re in a better place” or “you’ll move on.” But what no one tells us is that grief is also the death of the plans we made. Maybe you thought you’d grow old with your partner. Maybe you planned to travel with your sibling, or imagined watching your child reach adulthood.

When that person is gone, the life you pictured collapses. This is why even deeply spiritual people who believe in the afterlife or higher purpose still grieve. Because regardless of beliefs, what’s real is that you can never again live the version of yourself that existed with them in this life.

The Many Faces of Grief

While death is the most obvious cause of grief, it’s not the only one. Grief can emerge from many different losses, including:

• Breakups or divorce: Not only the end of love, but the loss of shared routines, home, and dreams.

• Lost childhoods: For survivors of neglect or abuse, there is grief for the safe, loving childhood they never had.

• Lost opportunities: Illness, financial struggles, or discrimination can take away paths we once dreamed of pursuing.

• Loss of identity: Leaving behind roles or communities — even when by choice — can create grief for who we used to be.

In every case, grief is the mourning of something that once gave us meaning and stability.

Why Grief Feels Like Losing Yourself

Grief shakes our identity. Who are we without this person by our side? Who are we without the dreams we built together?

For example:

• A widow may not only mourn her partner, but also the role of “wife” that no longer exists.

• A child who loses a parent not only misses them, but loses the sense of being someone’s “son” or “daughter” in the same way.

• A parent who loses a child is not just grieving the child, but the identity of being their guide and protector.

Grief tears apart the stories we lived in. And that’s why it feels like part of us has died. Because in a way, it has.

How Grief Shows Up in the Body and Mind

Grief is not only emotional — it’s physical and mental too. Many people experience:

• Exhaustion from the emotional weight of loss.

• Difficulty concentrating because the mind keeps returning to memories or pain.

• Tightness in the chest or body as the body holds the ache of absence.

• Changes in appetite or sleep as the nervous system struggles to regulate.

• Feelings of emptiness or numbness when the brain cannot yet process the depth of the loss.

Grief lives in the body as much as in the heart. That’s why it’s important to allow ourselves to rest, cry, and move gently through the waves.

The Danger of Avoiding Grief

Many people try to avoid grief because it feels unbearable. They distract themselves with work, fantasies, or unhealthy coping. While distraction can give temporary relief, avoidance keeps grief stuck inside. Unprocessed grief can later turn into depression, numbness, or even physical illness.

Facing grief does not mean drowning in it — it means giving it a place, a voice, and a space to move through. Avoidance delays healing, while gentle acknowledgment opens the door for growth.

Healing Through Grief

Healing from grief is not about “moving on” or forgetting. Healing means learning to live with the absence, and at the same time, allowing ourselves to grow into someone new.

Some practices that support healing:

• Allowing the waves: Grief is not linear. It comes in waves, sometimes years later. Letting yourself cry when it comes is part of the process.

• Creating rituals: Lighting a candle, keeping a photo, or writing letters to your loved one can create sacred space for remembrance.

• Community and connection: Talking with trusted people or support groups helps break the isolation of grief.

• Creativity: Many people heal through art, writing, or music, giving expression to what words alone cannot hold.

• Meaning-making: Asking “How can I honor their memory?” or “What can I learn from this loss?” can slowly transform grief into purpose.

Grief as Transformation

If we allow it, grief can transform us. It teaches us about impermanence, about cherishing the present, and about the depth of human love. It can push us to live more authentically, because we are reminded that time is not endless.

Many people emerge from grief with a renewed commitment to life. They may pursue passions they once delayed, deepen relationships, or let go of what no longer matters. This doesn’t mean the pain disappears — but that it coexists with a new form of strength.

Final Thoughts

Grief is not just about losing someone. It is about losing the life and self we had with them. It’s about learning to walk in the world without a piece of our heart. And yet, within that pain lies the possibility of growth.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or replacing. It means honoring the love that once shaped us, while allowing ourselves to evolve into someone new.

No matter how broken grief makes us feel, healing begins the same way as with all trauma: by acknowledging that we are hurt. We don’t have to carry it alone. We don’t have to hide behind strength. Our pain is real, but so is our capacity to heal.

Read my post How to Heal by Witnessing Your Life: A Daily Practice for Real Emotional Release to explore daily practices of grounding, presence, and acceptance that can support you in navigating grief.